I’ve had vivid dreams for as long as I can remember. I always assume it’s because of my anxious personality, overthinking tendencies, and general fear of just about everything. Anyone else an enneagram 6? Last night I had a dream I was back in Orlando, where I grew up. I was out with my sister, who is far more familiar with the city than I am. I left Orlando when I was 18 and whenever I visit, I rely on gps to get around. It’s no longer ‘home’ for me.

I seen so many random yet familiar faces in this dream. Groups of people from high school that my brain assumes are still friends. Probably because I’ve seen social media posts throughout the years from people that never left home, so they were able to maintain friendships I hadn’t. Honestly, I’m often envious of those people. The people I grew up with no longer know I exist, and it stings a little.

Throughout the years, I’ve moved a lot. I’ve lived in Japan, Texas, Georgia, and North Carolina. And as an introverted SAHM, I don’t have many friends to show for it. I was most social in Okinawa, when I was fresh out of high school. I’m not sure if it’s just me, but everyone feels like family when you’re overseas. I’m still Facebook friends with so many people I met 10 years ago. While we acknowledge each other on our birthdays, real conversations don’t really exist.

It’s been years since I’ve been part of a friend group. When I was in beauty school in Texas, I had friends. Then I had a baby, and moved to Georgia weeks before the pandemic hit. Of course this made it a little more challenging to socialize. My husband was at a one-man duty station, so he had no coworkers for us to hang out with. And the anxiety that came with all the Covid news, and racial injustice protests truly made me so distrusting of others.

I’m a mom of two extroverted kids, and well, it’s quite challenging. I know they deserve to socialize, and I sometimes want that too. The village I had growing up is difficult to duplicate as a military family. We’re down to our last 6 months at this duty station, and I’m mentally preparing to build my village when we move. Because there are just some things I can’t control, like the fact that we have to move every 3 years. This will be my last duty station without friends— manifesting loyal, kind, honest, and genuine friendships that feel safe and secure. Because it’s never too late to build life long relationships.