Most of my stories begin the same way, “I saw this video on TikTok…”. It’s never, “I read an article”, or “I heard from a friend”, or even, “I listened to a podcast”. It’s always that damn clock app. Ironically, I seen this video on TikTok explain that breaking your worst habit is far more influential than introducing better habits.

I’ve spent the past 15 or so months working on developing habits to reclaim my life. I’ve had a tough time with postpartum depression, followed by severe anxiety from the pandemic. The past 8 years have revolved solely on being a wife and mother. Often feeling lost, because without my husband and kids, I wasn’t quite sure who I was. And in between just about every task, I find myself doomscrolling. Obsessively watching people that I don’t know live out their dreams online. Subconsciously hating from outside of the club and wondering why my life felt so dull.

The grass always seems greener, right? Somehow, we always forget the other half, and possibly more valuable part of the quote. “The grass is greener where you water it.” And truthfully, I hadn’t been watering my own grass. I’d been sitting on my ass for years waiting for good things to magically happen to me. I’d basically been planning out what to do with my lottery winnings, but I wasn’t even buying any lotto tickets. Just waiting for fulfillment that I wasn’t actively working towards.

My worst habit, by far, is doomscrolling. I remember questioning why my kid was so obsessed with watching other kids play with toys on YouTube. Yet, here I am, watching strangers exercise, clean their homes, do their makeup, and take vacations while I’m rotting on my couch. I then somehow make things worse by reading the comments. Have y’all ever just sat down and read TikTok comments? Not only are these people miserable, but they project their self-hate so loudly towards people they don’t even know. And honestly, it has made my anxiety so much worse. It’s so eerie how people can be so nasty online. This has made me question why I subject myself to an environment that isn’t really fulfilling me. Possibly a mild case of masochism, but who knows.

In my reclamation era, I’ve been focusing on determining what things I enjoy. I’ve discovered a deep passion for baking. Specifically, sourdough everything. I make a boule of bread every week, and I’m always experimenting with different cookie recipes. And every week, I find an excuse to buy bananas to almost rot on my counter because banana bread is always a hit around here. I bought myself an acoustic guitar for my birthday a few months ago, it’s collecting dust in my closet, but I’ll circle back to it when the vibes are right. I’ve discovered barre, and it’s made working out feel so exciting. I genuinely look forward to exercising every day, and it’s becoming a habit. I have gotten at least 35 minutes of exercise every single day for 34 days, and now, it’s a non-negotiable for me. I actually have hobbies for the first time in my adult life, and it feels great.

For me, social media is a blessing and a curse. I’ve learned so much through that silly clock app, but it has also destroyed my attention span and has made it challenging for me to socialize. I desperately need to step away. Right now, I’m just so passionate about living out my dreams, that I only have the capacity to do things that align with my goals. Moving my body, drinking my water, eating food that fuels me, creating bonds that don’t drain me, and choosing joy. I am finally watering my grass, and it’s coming in thick– Happy Spring!

Do you have any habits that hold you back from living the life you dream of?